Tag: mental-health

• Tuesday Bluesday

  

  Morning

  My normal routine was interrupted today when the restaurant where I usually sit to work was booked out by some Google event. 

  The guys offered to let me sit on the terrasse with a cappuccino but the kitchen was closed and I was hungry. Maybe I should have gone home to get back into my pyjamas but I felt certain that I wouldn’t get any work done if I did that.

  And this is Paris afterall, there is no shortage of restaurants and cafes where one can sit and do work. I do actually have a backup place that I don’t come to often because the servers are less friendly with me. But maybe that’s because I don’t come as often.

  The vibes outside today are horrible. It’s grey, there’s lots of construction going on, it’s cold again after a week of sunshine and warmth. I’m struggling a bit to keep my energy high enough to do the work that needs to get done. 

  But despite the shitty vibes, I am encouraged by the support I’ve been receiving for the reels I’ve made on instagram and the new substack I started. 

  So I’m at the backup place, enjoying my food and still considering going home to take a nap. I don’t have anything profound to say or share, I just didn’t want to neglect this space.

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  Night

  It’s late, and I find myself unable to focus on the work I’m supposed to be doing.

  I feel like the energy around me in my community, in the world in general is deeply, profoundly sad and upset. 

  Despite this deep “knowing,” for whatever reason, I seem to only be able to express myself through words that don’t feel like enough. Through limited thoughts and ideas of what to say and how to act.

  I want to scream! I want to cry. But there is no one here to hear me or console me. The only tool I have to cope is my phone. And so I keep picking it up. Peeking through my little portal into the world in the hopes that I will receive some good news by message. Or that I will be able to find some solution while sifting through the sludge that is social media. 

  I made a video. In it, I’m upbeat, but really it’s a call for help. 

  It’s a cry for attention because I live alone and everyone is busy and has their own problems that are so much bigger than what I can help with. I offer up my kind words because that’s all I have to give. 

  I feel simultaneously wise and insightful and plagued with childlike ignorance.

  

  March 11, 2025

  blog, life, love, mental-health, writing

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• Life is getting Weird

  

  I wanted to take a quick minute to write something because I started this blog to be an “open diary” of sorts, but I haven’t had a chance to say anything for the last couple of days.

  It feels like March is getting intense, even though maybe from the outside everything still appears calm in my life. Internally I’m screaming, over the news, over the changes in my life, over the work I need to get done.

  Even with all that, compared to my friends it seems like my life is much less chaotic. 

  To cope I’ve been taking in as much sun as I can while we have it, because in Paris the sun is never promised. Looking at the weather for next week we will probably get only rain and fall back into the normal Parisian depression. 

  I’m trying SO HARD to not get upset over the American news and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to not catastrophize the future when it seems so clear to me that the United States is rapidly descending into full on fascism. I don’t even know if we can say it’s descending still it’s fucking HERE. 

  But for the time being at least my life in Paris is still extremely sweet. One of my bffs calls me every morning. The others are regularly in contact. I talk to my mom every day. I still have plenty to eat and I’m warm and dry every night. 

  I started a substack to share some stories. I think it will be a different vibe than the one I want to have here. But who knows? I feel strangely inspired in the face of all the calamity. Maybe this is my coping mechanism? What is that saying… “When the going gets tough, the tough get going?” 

  Maybe the going wasn’t tough enough for me before ahaha. So annoying for me to only be motivated in the face of hardship and not when I have plenty of time and space to be creative. 

  So that’s it. My petit update. If you’ve liked all my posts so far, please consider subscribing! I will take all of the encouragement I can get. 

  Bisous 

  Honey

  March 7, 2025

  depression, health, life, mental-health, Paris, writing

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• Le temps est bon

  It’s another beautiful sunny Sunday in Paris and it seems that spring is on its way to us. 

  If this were another time without social media and 24 hour news, one could almost be fooled into thinking that all is right with the world.

  I’m in my favorite place, having my classic cappuccino, which is funny because I only started drinking them recently and I’m not entirely sure what inspired the change from my previously classic “allonge”.

  

  But all is NOT right with the world. I woke up this morning full of anxiety about what’s coming next. 

  Thursday night I felt a tickle in the back of my throat, so Friday I stayed indoors with the exception of an academic talk in the evening that I’d been looking forward to for all of February.

  When I returned home after midnight I made the mistake of checking the news and saw what had just occurred in the White House between the current administration and the president of Ukraine. Needless to say but I will say it anyways, I was horrified. And I have remained horrified for all of Saturday into this morning.

  Like many others I am wondering, “What now?!” Will we look back on this moment as the beginning of WWIII? 

  Before leaving the house I spoke to a dear (French) friend who tried to reassure me that everything would be fine. But really just living in Paris doesn’t protect us from anything. 

  I’m scared about so many things right now, and living alone doesn’t help. 

  I’m scared for my family who lives in the US, I’m scared for the whole of the United States and that so many people still seem ignorant to the fact that they elected a fascist leader despite all of the evidence. 

  I’m scared for myself because I am not yet a citizen of the country I’ve called home for the last nine years. I’m scared for the whole world really because it doesn’t seem like anywhere is safe and if you’ve been paying attention even a little bit it seems like we are falling into some very well documented patterns.

  March 2, 2025

  books, cafe, cappucino, life, love, mental-health, Paris, politics, writing, wwiii

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